My year was supposed to start yesterday, since the first 11 days i was on a much needed, no phone vacation. So overnight in Mumbai airport I prepped myself for a new kick ass year.
It was not 5 minutes that I had landed I was told the news of someone in my life- the dearest passing away. I will write about that later when I have had time to process.
They had kept it from me while I was on holiday. AT the same time i had gotten new news of my a project I have been waiting for. I was lamenting about how loss i n personal life and gain in professional has been playing with me this passed year I had not a moment to grieve, before I heard of the blasts in Istanbul.
My mother was scheduled to be at that slot of the blast and next 4 hours, lets just say me and Sriya called everyone we knew in Isntabul and Dhaka. My mom is fine. She was at the site but she took shelter and couldnt reach me because she had no access to internet. But those 4 hours, Sriya kept saying how calm I was- but that was not it. I still felt I had SOME power, I called the embassies- the hotels- my Turkish friends, my British friends, even found a flight- Because IT was something I had power over, I had some hope over. I told God- that I COULD NOT lose ONE MORE THING. NOT A SINGLE ONE.
Crisis has been averted, I am faced with an empty home, and last night I even took a sleeping pill (i never do that) because I coudlnt face the news of any more loss. I have come to the top threshold of pain and inner struggle and I need some hope in my life. I know i am supposed to be the strong one, everyone comes to me for their stength.BUt i need something For myself, not just by helping others, which is how i have coped the last few moths. BUt i need somehting just for me. I know I am supposed to be the strong one. But I have my moments of deep despair, no friends,no followers, noone can give me hope anymore.
And it took me hours of hiding and averting and chatting with the whole world. And suddenly I remembered what I did at the airport all night before my "new year" began in Dhaka. I had made a video introducing my new project, that was about me, and my struggles and my loss and my love. And I remembered where I could start looking for some hope to exist again... in my music.
Introducing "Being In love with the King of the World."